Monday, November 19, 2007

What a Day!!! : (

You know how good Saturday was? Well, that's how bad Sunday was! If I had a "Groundhog Day" like that I would be leaping off tall buildings, and napping on railroad tracks. It was a day that nightmares are made of. You know that nightmare where you are at school in your underwear, and you have to give a speech in front of the student body, there's breakfast in your teeth and you haven't combed your hair since Easter? That was my day. It was kind of like the time I went to the dentist right after we were married. My parents volunteered to pay for one last trip to the dentist since they didn't have time to get me in before I got married. I had 22 cavities filled in one day. I was so numb I couldn't feel my eyelids, let alone my mouth or nose. My tongue was a useless, swollen, chewed up piece of meat that made it impossible for me to close my mouth, and completely incapable of speech. A sock would have been more useful! With my tongue hanging out, drool running down my chin, snot smeared around on my face, and my eyelids frozen open, I found my way to Greg's place of employment for the very first time since our nuptials. After finding that nothing came out of my mouth but tongue and drool and a few guttural groans, I took a pen and paper from the startled girl at the desk and wrote in childish scribble, "Get Greg Waite. I'm his wife." (Come to think of it, maybe this was Greg's nightmare?!!) Her face turned white, and she backed out of the room kind of whimpering. In a flash she was back pulling Greg by the arm, and about 12 co-workers poked their head around the corner to get a quick look. That was my day yesterday! Now that I have set up the proper level of humiliation, I realize I still have no hope of you understanding what a bad day I had. But imagine that you had been called to play the piano for Primary, and when you got there you realized you had never seen one of those instruments before and had no idea how to play it. Now you're getting close! Oh, by the way, I have a new calling. I am the new primary pianist. Yesterday was my first day. I don't know exactly what happened in the morning, and I may never know. My best guess is that somehow someone wanted to play a very cruel joke on me and switched out my medicine bottles, and gave me something that made my tongue hang out, drool and snot run down my face, and my eyelids freeze open. I staggered into the primary room and felt my way to what I thought must be a piano but there was not one recognizable note in sight. I opened the song book set in front of me, and all I could see were floating black dots in double exposure that meant absolutely nothing to me. The worst part was, I didn't care. I hit whatever key my numb hands fell upon. The flustered chorister kept saying, "Just play the melody!" I just kept saying, "Aww'm Saaaaawwwweeeee!" I don't know if I will ever be able to show my face in the ward again! I still don't know what happened. My best guess is I somehow mixed up my sleeping pills with my cholesterol medication. If that was the case, I took 3 times my regular dose of sleeping pills at 8:00 am! Let me tell you, that is a recipe for a very bad day!!

5 comments:

Emily said...

What?!? I'm confused. Somebody switched your medicine bottles and you were feeling "drugged?" I guess I'll have to wait for more details.

Emily said...

Ok, I just re-read it all and now I get it. You WIN for the most embarassing moment!! Did you explain to everyone why you were feeling that way??

Amy Thurston said...

I know this was a bad day for you, but I love the way you retell a story. And if no one in your ward can see the great humor in this, then you should really move to a new ward. Church can get a bit boring and monotonous as it is. I need things like this to happen at church to make me excited for the next week. And I am willing to take my turn, and have taken many turns. One week, when I was pregnant with Ella, I went to church feeling so relaxed and unusually comfortable. After sacrament meeting I stopped and talked to many people along the way into Sunday school. Just before I stepped into class, I made a last minute decision to use the bathroom (I was pregnant afterall). As I was getting ready to leave the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the HUGE mirror in the bathroom. I could very CLEARLY see that I forgot to put on a bra, and my translucent white shirt and old, thin, browning garments weren't much help either. And it wasn't an attractive site, it was my third child I was pregnant with. It would not have been any sort of turn on to anyone. But I decided, that I had done my duty of making others feel better about their embarrassing moments. If I had been there, I would have sung along to the beautiful music I am sure you produced. At least you were in primary. Kids are always writing their own songs on the piano, they probably thought you were doing the same thing:)

Amanda said...

You are a great writer mom. That was entertaining. At least by now you know that it is almost fun to have something go wrong in your life because you can put it on your blog for others to laugh at. Glad you had such a great day before that with Scott and Molly. Thanks for calling today! It was nice to hear from you.

Erin Beck said...

sorry you were embarressed but i found your storey hilarious and your storey telling! I wish I had been a teacher sitting there watching you! People forget though just give it a few years.