Monday, November 19, 2007
What a Day!!! : (
You know how good Saturday was? Well, that's how bad Sunday was! If I had a "Groundhog Day" like that I would be leaping off tall buildings, and napping on railroad tracks. It was a day that nightmares are made of. You know that nightmare where you are at school in your underwear, and you have to give a speech in front of the student body, there's breakfast in your teeth and you haven't combed your hair since Easter? That was my day. It was kind of like the time I went to the dentist right after we were married. My parents volunteered to pay for one last trip to the dentist since they didn't have time to get me in before I got married. I had 22 cavities filled in one day. I was so numb I couldn't feel my eyelids, let alone my mouth or nose. My tongue was a useless, swollen, chewed up piece of meat that made it impossible for me to close my mouth, and completely incapable of speech. A sock would have been more useful! With my tongue hanging out, drool running down my chin, snot smeared around on my face, and my eyelids frozen open, I found my way to Greg's place of employment for the very first time since our nuptials. After finding that nothing came out of my mouth but tongue and drool and a few guttural groans, I took a pen and paper from the startled girl at the desk and wrote in childish scribble, "Get Greg Waite. I'm his wife." (Come to think of it, maybe this was Greg's nightmare?!!) Her face turned white, and she backed out of the room kind of whimpering. In a flash she was back pulling Greg by the arm, and about 12 co-workers poked their head around the corner to get a quick look. That was my day yesterday! Now that I have set up the proper level of humiliation, I realize I still have no hope of you understanding what a bad day I had. But imagine that you had been called to play the piano for Primary, and when you got there you realized you had never seen one of those instruments before and had no idea how to play it. Now you're getting close! Oh, by the way, I have a new calling. I am the new primary pianist. Yesterday was my first day. I don't know exactly what happened in the morning, and I may never know. My best guess is that somehow someone wanted to play a very cruel joke on me and switched out my medicine bottles, and gave me something that made my tongue hang out, drool and snot run down my face, and my eyelids freeze open. I staggered into the primary room and felt my way to what I thought must be a piano but there was not one recognizable note in sight. I opened the song book set in front of me, and all I could see were floating black dots in double exposure that meant absolutely nothing to me. The worst part was, I didn't care. I hit whatever key my numb hands fell upon. The flustered chorister kept saying, "Just play the melody!" I just kept saying, "Aww'm Saaaaawwwweeeee!" I don't know if I will ever be able to show my face in the ward again! I still don't know what happened. My best guess is I somehow mixed up my sleeping pills with my cholesterol medication. If that was the case, I took 3 times my regular dose of sleeping pills at 8:00 am! Let me tell you, that is a recipe for a very bad day!!