Monday, November 12, 2007

Ramblings in the Middle of the Night

It is 2:34 am, and I find myself awake with so many thoughts that I finally decided I had to write down some of the more pressing things running through my head. I don't even know where to begin, so this is going to be very random and disjointed, I'm sure. Please bear with me.

We have had such a wonderful weekend. Greg and I started out with attending the stake temple session that we have with each stake conference. We haven't been able to attend the temple very often since my mother became ill. I found this particular session very touching and meaningful. I had the name of a relative who had been waiting for her blessings nearly 300 years. I found myself feeling so very grateful for the privilege of participating in something so profoundly important to another soul's salvation. I felt so grateful to have the gospel in my life, and to be married to a man who would hold the keys essential to my eternal happiness. Seeing him waiting for me in the Celestial room made me so ...... grateful, so happy, so full of love for this man.

Saturday we were priviledged to listen to Elder Hinkley, son of the prophet. He was a wonderful speaker that brought a special spirit that is hard to express in words. He spoke of his father in such real and loving terms that we all felt closer to the prophet and felt we knew him personally. It was a wonderful experience I will never forget.

Sunday we had another opportunity to listen to this wonderful man again. We also had a new stake presidency sustained. Michael Hawkins was sustained as President of the Bakersifield Stake. His councelors were James Slaughter, and Gary Carter. All 3 are exceptional men who will lead this stake in the direction the Lord would expect. The Spirit testified to me that His will had been done in this matter.

Sunday afternoon Tim and Brenda, Andy and Amber, and Molly and Scott joined us for dinner again. This has started to be a weekly happening since we have started teaching Scott the gospel. I have to tell you all, that this has become very special to me. The feeling that comes over this household ...... I can't describe it in words. As we gather around the table and eat and visit and enjoy each other's company, it feels like all is well with the world. I feel such an overwhelming love for each person there. It feels so natural and so right, and so happy.

I want to express my sincere love for Scott. He has brought a wonderful spirit to our home each time he comes. He is a very sweet and genuine young man. Grandma called him "guiless" and I think that says it very well. I can see what Molly loves about him. I feel strongly that if he will sincerely study and pray about the gospel that he will embrace it with his whole heart. He has a spirituality about him that is so rare in such a young man. I know the Lord has plans for Scott.

I have felt a little overwhelmed lately with love for my youngest daughter. I am sad over the time that has passed with hard feelings. But it makes this special time all the sweeter. I have lately remembered the events leading up to the birth of Molly. I felt so strongly that there was another spirit that should be in our family. I approached Greg with the matter, and he had some strong scepticisim. He was Bishop at the time. He went to a meeting one night and came home with a special experience to share with me. He had had a confirmation of the Spirit that we did indeed have a daughter waiting for us. He gave me a special blessing that night, telling me that the Lord did indeed have a special spirit prepared for our home. This started a long chain of events that were loaded with frustration, pain, and struggle. But there was never a doubt that somehow this sweet daughter of God would come to us. And that she did. When she was finally placed in my arms, I knew that God's will had been done. I was the happiest woman alive. Each day was a delight as I loved her and watched her grow. I thought my heart would burst from the sheer joy of being her mother. Those feelings are much the same today. I cannot look into her face without feeling great joy and love and gratitude.

Another wonderful thing happened this evening. Sherod joined us. He brought a sweet and loving spirit with him, and I felt a sincere love from him. There is no way I can expess what that means to me. The trouble between us has been the most difficult trial I have ever been through. I want Sherod to know that I felt nothing but love for him tonight. What a sweet spirit we enjoyed in our home again. I love you Sherod, so very much! I know that we will never agree on the issues that have pulled us apart. But I am sincerely repentant for hurt that I caused you. I want more than anything to have our family whole. It is not the same without you. Thank you for tonight!

To put the frosting on the cake, Riley and Jack have spent the night with us. I have missed these sweet, brilliant, and very fun boys more than I can say! Riley was a bit pre-occupied with Sam and his new games, and that is hard to compete with. But I spent a most fun evening with Jack. He is such a darling kid and so very loving I can't remember a better time I have spent with one of my grandchildren. We played "Go fish," "Go Plus" and "War." He was brilliant!! I recieved lots of hugs kisses, and drawings. Riley chose to sleep in Sam's room, naturally, but Jack is now asleep on the sofa at the foot of my bed. Just hearing him breathe makes me happy! Looking at that precious face, I see Sherod 24 or 25 years ago, and it warms my heart.

Tonight I am a very happy and grateful woman! I want all my children to know how much I love them!!! How proud I am to be their mother. I feel the love of my Father in Heaven, who sent me 8 of his choicest children.


Emily said...

Mom, That was so nice to read this morning. I am very touched by your thoughts. Thank you for opening up and sharing them with us. I love you so much and am so grateful I was sent to this family.

Shed said...

I was nice to be there last night also. We really do have an exeptional family. I hope that Riley and Jack don't have to go through too much detox when they get home. They love their grandparents!

abutler said...

Those where some very thoughtful things you said. It's amazing what the spirit can do for our souls.

TimW8 said...

WOW! I loved reading your thoghts Mom. I think it is so special to think about how Molly came to our family. I always get something out of reading your blog. Thanks, I love you.

molly said...

Thank you for that Mom.That means so much to me.We love you.